this seems like a good community to post in.
seeing that i have pretty much no interesting life to speak of (check out the patheticness of my livejournal entries if u dont believe me) life, i tend to sort of make up one for myself online. no, no, not a fake idenitity- i couldn't even begin to try and do that if i wanted to. i mean with guys, particularly.
don't get me wrong, im not an ugly girl- i take care of my looks. there's just some things about me that guys must find intimidating about me, or messed up about me, or too different about me, that i can't be like a normal teenager (im 17- a senior in high school) and go on dates regularly, or at least have ONE normal date to speak of.
theres this boy i used to have a MAJOR crush on from school. i had a crush on him for exactly two years, since sophmore year. you'd have to read my livejournal from the beginning to even begin to understand the depths of this obsession). i wised up for the final time, and about a month ago i stopped liking him.
more stuff happened since then, but it would take to long to explain.
what im trying to get to is this:
a few days ago, i stumbled upon this entry from one of the communities im, on my friends page. this guys icon had a picture- he looked so much like my ex-crush(?) that i just had to talk to him, despite him living in another state. i looked at his journal, and commented on two of his entries. then i added him as a buddy on AIM. it was weird- at first he seemed a bit hesitant in talking to me, but then he really started to open up more. he showed me some pics- it turned out that he didnt look like my old crush much at all (he was wearing a cap and sunglasses in the icon), but he was still good looking, in my opinion. with my being at home for nearly five days mainly because i was sick (this was over this weekend- thanksgiving weekend), i got pretty excited over this. i believe that love is possible anywhere, anytime, regardless of whether it is "taboo" or not.
unfortunately i havent been lucky with online love- ive met two different guys online before, and in real life, they turned out to be really annoying and pretty ugly (not to sound shallow). ive become more cautious now, but i havent ruled out the possibility of meeting someone online. it happened to my friend, and she was extremely lucky, so hey, why now me?
let me try to make this short as possible. anyways, the reason im worried... i think i may have stumbled upon another guy like my old crush. since today and yesterday, this guy has been really weird to me. like, i would IM him and he would take forever to respond, not to mention, im the one to IM him first. he kept asking me for a pic, since he showed me a bunch of his, and he said it bothered him to talk to people online who dont have pics, cause the person he/she tells him they are really may not be true. i said that i would try to get one this week, since i have no scanner i would have to get someone else to scan it for me. then i IMed him today, and he took FOREVER to respond, and i said hi and he said "do you have a pic yet" and i said "not yet, but ill have one before thursday, and he said "good cause id hate to have to block you if you IM me." i was a bit taken aback by this sudden display of harshness. i kindly said, "don't worry, ill get one soon" but he didnt respond. apparently he didnt want to talk anymore. i guess he doesnt want to talk anymore until i show him a pic. i know you all probably think that is reasonable, but that bothers me, cause i still want to be able to talk to him until i actually get one posted. im sorry, you guys all probably thought this was the longest, stupidest thing youve ever read. i have more stuff to confess (more relative than this), but this is the thing thats really bothering me right now.
i know this is sad. :(